Monday, August 10, 2009

I Was With Child

I feel I need to share this with you. Tuesday, August 4th, 2009 I miscarried. I know not how far along I was in my pregnancy and did not officially know I was pregnant. A couple days at least before Tuesday I started what I thought was a very late period. Since I am still breastfeeding my youngest I thought that this was just an irregular period. Then on Tuesday I knew there was something dreadfully wrong. I was bleeding and cramping way too much. Teela, my youngest, didn't know what was going on and was trying to comfort me by hugging me and being with me. I called my mother, my husband, and then the ambulance. The ambulance took me to the ER after my husband soon arrived to watch our kids. Once the ambulance arrived I was not cramping any more. I do not know if it was the Ibuprofen, I took in the morning when the cramps started getting bad, that had finally kicked in or something else had happened to lessen them.

At the ER they did all kinds of tests on me. They did a pregnancy test and it was positive. They did a blood test to rule out infections and anemia...none were found. They did an ultrasound to rule out an ectopic pregnancy and found no fetus; although, they did say that the uterine lining was thick like it was supposed to be while pregnant. Then they pronounced it an incomplete miscarriage (spontaneous abortion) and sent me home saying that I needed to get a check up with my doctor in a few days so that he could check and make sure I wouldn't be needing a D&C (dilation and curettage). Thankfully my doctor said I didn't need one. Still it was all emotionally and physically taxing.

At that point a lot of things were gong through my mind...maybe I shouldn't have taken that Ibuprofen, maybe I shouldn't have been lifting my five year old disabled daughter or my one and a half year old daughter, maybe I shouldn't been drinking all that caffeine, maybe I should have checked right away if I was pregnant after missing possibly one to two periods... The list went on in my head of maybes. But it was done and lingering on the ifs and maybes will just drive a person mad. So, instead I turned my thoughts to God. This miscarriage was one of many challenges and obstacles that I have had and will continue to overcome. Life is precious, but this life that was lost to me is now in heaven with God. It must have been so pure in spirit that it only needed just moments in the womb to live. I am happy I got to have this challenge as it has just made me stronger. I hope the challenges and obstacles that you face in life also make you stronger and that you too can overcome!


~ April ~ EnchantedDandelions said...

Just wanted to offer my condolences. I'm so sorry. ((HUGS))

A couple months before my youngest was conceived, I had a miscarriage. Like you, I thought it was just a late, heavy period. And then it got worse until I had the sudden idea to take a pregnancy test which was a faint positive. It's very surreal and saddening to find out you are pregnant AFTER the fact.

Sending lots of positive thoughts for healing and peace.

EllyBean said...

I will be lifting you and your family up in prayer. (HUGS)

Anonymous said...

So, so sorry. You'll be in my prayers.

Please don't do the mommy-guilt thing. There is no way that you caused this yourself, caffeine or no. These things just happen sometimes. Rest and feel better as soon as you can!

Steph said...

So brave of you to share this. Thanks for being so open.

Lindsey said...

I'm so so sorry you went through that - but I'm sooo glad you can be encouraged that that little life is with God now. :-)

Kineret WillowGreene said...

I am so sorry to hear this! But as others have said this did not happen because of anything that you had any control over. They say 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. Most likely this was not a viable pregnancy not matter what you did or didn't do. Of course that doesn't change the tremendous sense of loss. In 1999, I had an early term miscarriage and the sense of loss way profound. You are such a strong person that I know that you will get though this and if it is in G-d's plan for you there will be more babies in your future. But you need to honor your feelings now. It's okay to mourn.

Corinne said...

So, sorry - I hope you don't feel like I'm stalking you :) But I read this post and wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. Just this past April I had my own (first) miscarriage without knowing I was pregnant either. WOW is that some emotional turmoil, huh? Anyway, I wrote about it if you want to read:

Have a great night :)