Wordless Wednesday Happy Veteran's Day Flashback!

My husband, Brian, in his Navy Uniform. He was stationed on a Naval Nuclear Sub. before I met him.

Brian with his cousin Corey and his sister's husband, Dave, in the background.

Brian's Health - A Personal Note

My husband, Brian, and I.

To whom reads this, let me explain. This is a letter that I have just written up for MetLife, an insurance company that provides long term disability benefits. This letter is about my husband who has been in and out of work since March of 2011 when his symptoms started and has been out of work completely since March 30^th, 2013. MetLife denied our claim for long term disability benefits and this is part of the appeal. This is fairly personal information, but I feel the need to share it with you all.

The past 2 years have been very difficult for Brian, my husband. Since I am his wife I see him every day on a regular basis and because of this I have a better understanding of what he is going through than the physicians that have only seen him a handful of times for short durations. While I am not a medically qualified professional to make a formal diagnosis or recommend treatment for him I have noticed many things that are outlined here.

I have noticed a significant deterioration of cognitive ability. Before this time he was extremely motivated and physically got a lot done. Now he struggles with even small tasks. Things on his to do list seem to take him more than quadruple the amount of time to get done these days. I have noticed that when he gets up from sitting or reclining his awareness or consciousness seems to be reduced. He has a diminished capacity of thinking straight, moving correctly, and remembering stuff while standing. Sometimes when the condition is really bad he ambles around like he is drunk. He also has trouble maintaining equilibrium and homeostasis while bending over or changing position suddenly. This also makes him dizzy, lightheaded, and have trouble cognitively. It is very hard for him to function well this way and he gets very frustrated because he can't think as well as he should be able to or as well as he used to. It is also very hard for me to see him like this. Some days are better than others and we have not figured out why this is.

We have been searching for answers to many questions as to why this is happening and what it might be. Brian has researched extensively to try to find an underlying cause and possible cure. He has encountered many overlapping conditions that his symptoms seem to point to. Most recently this research has lead him to get a referral for OHSU Rheumatology. They requested labs to be taken before they saw him and in the process 2 of the 4 lab results came back with abnormal findings which may be suggestive of a possible root cause. One was a low Vitamin D level and the other was a low level of a certain protein. OHSU Rheumatology is currently reviewing these results and will be getting back to us with a scheduled appointment for Brian and possibly more tests.

In 2011 he was prescribed a drug called Adderall to improve his ability to focus which helped with his brain fog. Unfortunately it also had a very unpleasant adverse effect of aggravating Tourettes and it didn't completely get rid of the light-headedness. Before taking this drug Brian's Tourettes were unnoticeable and now even the littlest things set him off with uncontrollable vocalizations. For example: he sometimes yells really loud or says moo or toaster, etc. Even though he got off the drug, after noticing the Tourettes getting worse, the Tourettes haven't gotten any better. He describes it as having an unwanted, heightened Spidey sense. Different things set him off, some examples are: irritating smells, somebody getting hurt or having the possibility of getting hurt, or any human sound in a high register.

On March 30^th, 2013 Brian had an accident at home while trying to put a fence post in. He blacked out. The next thing he knew was that the heavy fence post pounder had dropped on his head and his head was bleeding. It was at that point that Brian decided that he couldn't go back to work at his job at the time as a plant equipment operator for Beaver Plant and PGE. He realized then and there that working around charged electrical equipment, on high scaffolding and ladders, and rotating machinery could become very dangerous and possibly life threatening if he blacked out again. He didn't want his or other lives put in jeopardy because of his condition.

My 4 children and I have been having a hard time adjusting and seeing Brian go through this. It has been difficult on all of us and very life changing. The Tourettes are a bit of a nuisance. We have had to shorten, postpone, or cancel many family outings and work around how well he feels at the time. There are times when he has felt like he needed to sit the events out because he just didn't feel like he could walk around without feeling the ill effects of light-headedness and brain fog. We all would really love to find some answers and get to the bottom of all this so that we can hopefully get back to some kind of normalcy. Since Brian became out of work we had to move out of the house we were previously in and into the one we are in currently because we did not have enough money to pay for it. We have been struggling everyday to make ends meet and meet the needs of our family of 6. This has not been very easy for any of us.

Would you please re-review the case file as well as any additional information we have provided to you. We hope the previous denial was simply due to an oversight. We look forward to having Brian's long term disability reinstated. If you have any additional questions please feel free to contact me and I will be happy to provide answers to your questions and additional details to the best of my knowledge. Thank you.

Crystal Abel

31 Days to a Happy Husband by Arlene Pellicane FWCT Book Review

It is time for a FIRST Wild Card Tour book review! If you wish to join the FIRST blog alliance, just click the button. We are a group of reviewers who tour Christian books. A Wild Card post includes a brief bio of the author and a full chapter from each book toured. The reason it is called a FIRST Wild Card Tour is that you never know if the book will be fiction, non~fiction, for young, or for old...or for somewhere in between! Enjoy your free peek into the book!

You never know when I might play a wild card on you!

Today's Wild Card author is:

Arlene Pellicane

and the book:

31 Days to a Happy Husband: What a Man Needs Most in a Wife

Harvest House Publishers (August 1, 2012)

***Special thanks to Ginger Chen of Harvest House Publishers for sending me a review copy.***

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Arlene Pellicane is an author, speaker, and formerly served as the associate producer for Turning Point Television with Dr. David Jeremiah. Her audiobook and website Losing Weight After Baby has helped many moms achieve their physical and personal goals. Arlene and her family make their home in southern California.



Visit the author's website.

SHORT BOOK DESCRIPTION:

What does a man need most from his wife? Arlene Pellicane has identified five keys that will give wives a new appreciation and understanding of how to love and care for their mates along with practical instruction to motivate and equip wives to provide their husbands what they long for.

Product Details:
List Price: $12.99
Paperback: 208 pages
Publisher: Harvest House Publishers
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0736946322
ISBN-13: 9780736946322

AND NOW...THE FIRST CHAPTER:

Are You Still Dreaming?

The year was 1999 and my big moment had finally arrived. I stood holding my father’s arm, ready to make my grand entrance into the church. James and I had decided to have one of his favorite seminary professors marry us. Ours was only his second wedding to officiate, but we didn’t care about his inexperience.

Just as I approached the door leading into the sanctuary, I was shocked to hear the sound of our professor’s voice, “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to bring James and Arlene together in holy matrimony.” The only problem was, I was still standing in the hall with all the bridesmaids. Our professor mistook a break in the music as his cue to begin the ceremony.

I couldn’t believe my eyes or ears. Our dear professor got all the way through his introduction before realizing his error. When he got to that famous line, “Who gives this woman to be married to this man?” there was complete silence. Our friends and family didn’t know whether to laugh or be mortified.

At this, my aunt started playing the piano, and I was thrust through the door of the church to join my ceremony in progress. I never thought in my wildest dreams that I’d miss the beginning of my own wedding, but it sure has given us many laughs over the years.

Do you remember the day you said “I do”? I hope the ceremony didn’t start without you. Remember walking down the aisle, feeling like the happiest woman in the world? Your heart was full of dreams for the future. Are you still dreaming today?

Keep Honeymooning

So many couples told us after we tied the knot, “Just wait until you’ve been married a few years. You won’t be so lovey-dovey anymore.” But there was one lone voice who gave us the opposite advice. “Never let the honeymoon end,” he said. “It’s much easier to keep love alive than to try to revive something that has died.” We vowed to follow his advice.

Fast-forward the tape twelve years to our aha moment. James and I were teaching a young-marrieds class at our church. On the first day of class, we noticed there was not a centimeter of space in between these newlywed couples. Wives were superglued to their husbands’ sides. Eyes were locked, hands were held, hair was twirled. I looked over at my James who was sitting about a foot away from me. We, the sage teachers, needed a refresher course on touch, affection, and romance.

Most likely you know what I’m talking about. The heat of passion turns into the warmth of companionship. But that warmth, if we don’t take time to stoke the embers, can slowly turn into a cool disengagement between husband and wife. And before you know it, you’re two roommates sharing a home, a bank account, and children.

I don’t want that dull fate and neither do you. Three kids later and in our forties, James and I are learning to flirt again. The good news is you can relearn how to do all the things you used to do when you were dating. Except that instead of being lovers on cruise control, you might have to step on the gas pedal once in a while for the ride of your life.

Time to Dream Again

I remember driving down the freeway and seeing a pickup truck with these bold words printed on the back window: “Happy to be here, proud to serve.” I’d like you to imagine those words hanging in a frequented place in your home. When you can say about your home, “Happy to be here and proud to serve,” your husband will want to hurry home every day because it’s the place he feels most valued and loved.

This book will help you create that kind of place for your man. It’s divided into thirty-one daily readings grouped into five simple sections that will help you demonstrate to your husband the love that hooked him in the first place. The titles for each section form the acrostic DREAM. After all, the marriage of your dreams doesn’t have to be a fairy tale that will never come true. You can experience the kind of marriage most people dream about by following these five guidelines:

D = Domestic Tranquillity—Your husband needs a
peaceful haven (Days 1-5).

R = Respect—Your husband needs to be honored in
his own home (Days 6-11).

E = Eros—Your husband needs a fulfilling sex life
(Days 12-19).

A = Attraction—Your husband needs to be attracted
to you (Days 20-26).

M = Mutual Activities—Your husband needs to have
fun with you (Days 27-31).

Ask any husband if he would be happy having these five things in greater measure, and I can assure you his answer will be a resounding yes! And you just might find yourself enjoying these things too.

Notice Him, Nurture Him

It doesn’t take much time or effort to see that our culture is pessimistic about marriage. A happy marriage seems more like a fairy tale that Pollyanna dreamed up fifty years ago. Today’s wives are complaining left and right about their husbands’ many shortcomings. In fact, many women would never pick up a book like this. Why should a wife make her husband happy when he’s not making her happy? I like what host Bob Lepine of Family Life Today says, “Our role is not to figure out how to fix our spouse. Our role is: How do we reflect Christ in the marriage?”  1

And check out this insight from one husband:

When a woman is engaged to be married, she pours all her nurture into her man. She holds him, kisses him, and talks sweetly to him. They have fun together, do interesting things together, and enjoy the physical affection of first love. Then after they marry and have kids, all that nurture that went originally to the husband is suddenly transferred to the children. The kids benefit from all the maternal instincts and become the primary focus of all her tender nurture. The husband is just as needy for that nurture, but he is too proud to admit it.

When you look at your husband, you’re probably thinking he looks pretty self-sufficient. The other people in your life vying for your attention are truly needy (your children, grandchildren, aging parent, depressed friend). Look again. Your husband craves your affection and care but doesn’t want to ask for it. He bites the bullet because he’s supposed to be the strong one. Yet he desperately wants tender loving care just as you do.

How to Get the Most Out of This Book

The thirty-one happy husbands I interviewed for this book will serve as your insider guides for the next thirty-one days. Here are a few suggestions for how best to glean their insights as you read through this book:

Commit to reading a chapter every day for one month. Choose a month to soak your husband in tender loving care. Maybe choose his birthday month or your anniversary month to make it extra special and more memorable. But don’t worry—if you want to start today and his birthday isn’t for months, I’m sure he won’t mind! If you fall behind one or two days, don’t give up on the “Happy Husband” month. The chapters are short so you can easily catch up and get back on track.

Read it in five chunks. Maybe you want to tackle more than one day’s reading at a time. Once you’re settled in your comfortable chair to read, you want to keep going. Then I suggest you divide your reading into sections. Begin with Days 1-5, which cover Domestic Tranquillity. This way you can concentrate your focus on one key DREAM factor at a time. After you’ve completed the action steps suggested, you can move on to the letter R for Respect (Days 6-11), and so on.

Read the affirmation for happy wives aloud once a day. You’ll find this daily affirmation on page 179. Put your affirmation on your bathroom mirror and read it out loud every morning. Expect to feel uncomfortable doing this at first. But after a few days, not only will you believe the words you are saying, you will be living them out. It’s tempting to skip this step, so when you’re done reading today, turn to page 179. Photocopy, scan, or type out the page and put it on your bathroom mirror tonight.

Start a “Wives of Happy Husbands Discussion Group.” Read the book together with a group of friends who also want to add some sizzle to their marriages. Use the discussion guide on pages 185-192. Plan to meet weekly for five weeks to discuss what you’re learning. I promise these will be lively coffee dates or meals together!

Do the action steps. If you just read the book without trying any of the action steps, your husband probably won’t be able to tell you’re reading a book about how to love him better. At the end of each day’s reading, you’ll find these two recurring themes:

· Notice Today —You’ll be invited to take a close look at your husband. It will take only a few moments, but it will make a big difference. When you notice something positive about your husband instead of taking him for granted or rehearsing his faults, you’ll experience a change of heart and greater warmth for your man.

· Nurture Today —You’ll get to put your attitude into action through the daily steps to nurture him. Remember, if you don’t do anything differently this month toward your spouse, your thirty-one-day journey to marital bliss isn’t much more than wishful thinking.

Every day of your life, you’re either building your husband up or tearing him down. Proverbs 14:1 says, “The wise woman builds her house,
but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” In the next thirty-one days, you’re going to launch a full-force, no-holding-back, life-changing building program for your marriage. Let other things slide while you make your husband the number one priority for the next thirty-one days. Your only agenda is to overwhelm him with attention and affir­mation.

Roll up your sleeves. It’s time to build and dream again.

Marriage Quiz

Do You Have a Happy Husband?

Before you begin reading Day 1, take this self-assessment to discover what areas in your marriage need the most attention. Be honest in your answers. You’re not trying to impress anyone here. Your goal is to gain valuable insight about your husband’s current level of happiness in your marriage.

The environment of my home is warm and peaceful on most days.

❏ Yes ❏ No

I drop other things (even with my kids) to make time for my husband if he needs anything.

❏ Yes ❏ No

I never say unkind things about my husband to others.

❏ Yes ❏ No

If there’s a decision to be made, my husband has the final say.

❏ Yes ❏ No

I enjoy having sex and look forward to making love to my husband.

❏ Yes ❏ No

My husband and I talk regularly about ways to improve our sex life.

❏ Yes ❏ No

I make an effort to look attractive with my clothes, hair, and makeup even on days when I see only my husband.

❏ Yes ❏ No

I am a healthy body weight and exercise at least three times a week.

❏ Yes ❏ No

My husband and I go on a date at least once a month.

❏ Yes ❏ No

We still enjoy romance, kissing once a day for at least five seconds.

❏ Yes ❏ No

Total the number of yes answers:

1-4: Your relationship is on shaky ground. There are some critical areas of unmet needs that you must identify both for yourself and your husband. Reading this book is perfect timing.

5-7: You have some good habits and attitudes to build on. As you make a few key changes this month, you and your husband will be laughing, flirting, and enjoying each other’s company more.

8-10: You have a happy husband. By the time you finish reading this book, he will be ecstatic. You’ll be moving from good to great (or great to unbelievable). Be on the lookout for other women to encourage and mentor

52 Things Wives Need from Their Husbands: What Husbands Can Do to Build a Stronger Marriage by Jay Payleitner FWCT Book Review

It is time for a FIRST Wild Card Tour book review! If you wish to join the FIRST blog alliance, just click the button. We are a group of reviewers who tour Christian books. A Wild Card post includes a brief bio of the author and a full chapter from each book toured. The reason it is called a FIRST Wild Card Tour is that you never know if the book will be fiction, non~fiction, for young, or for old...or for somewhere in between! Enjoy your free peek into the book!




You never know when I might play a wild card on you!

Today's Wild Card author is:

Jay Payleitner

and the book:

52 Things Wives Need from Their Husbands:
What Husbands Can Do to Build a Stronger Marriage

Harvest House Publishers (February 1, 2012)

***Special thanks to Karri | Marketing Assistant | Harvest House Publishers for sending me a review copy.***

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Jay Payleitner is one of the top freelance Christian radio producers in the United States. He has worked on Josh McDowell Radio, Today's Father, Jesus Freaks Radio for The Voice of the Martyrs, Project Angel Tree with Chuck Colson, and many others. He’s also a popular speaker at men's events and the author of the bestselling 52 Things Kids Need from a Dad, 365 Ways to Say “I Love You” to Your Kids and, releasing late 2011, 52 Things Wives Need from a Husband. He has also served as an AWANA director, a wrestling coach, and executive director of the Illinois Fatherhood Initiative. Jay and his wife, Rita, make their home in the Chicago area, where they’ve raised five great kids and loved on ten foster babies.





Visit the author's website.

SHORT BOOK DESCRIPTION:

For the husband who wants to live out God’s plan for his marriage, 52 Things Wives Need from Their Husbands provides a full year’s worth of advice that will put him on the right track without making him feel guilty or criticizing him for acting like a man. A great gift or men’s group resource.

Product Details:

List Price: $12.99

Paperback: 176 pages

Publisher: Harvest House Publishers (February 1, 2012)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 0736944710

ISBN-13: 978-0736944717

AND NOW...THE FIRST CHAPTER:

Wives Need Their Husbands…

To Kiss the Girl

A husband and wife are driving down a country road. They’re a few years older than you are now. He’s behind the wheel. The pavement and cornfields are passing by. She breaks the silence with a sigh and says, “Remember when we were younger and we used to sit right next to each other in the car?” “I remember,” the husband replies after a moment. “But you know, I haven’t moved.”

It’s a story from way before seat-belt laws, but the sentiment still carries a bushel of truth. Men—the good ones like you and me—travel down the road of life with a sense of stability and direction. We’re not out drinking every night. We do our best to bring home a paycheck and be a good father. An affair is not an option. Neither is divorce. Our deepest need is for our bride to sit close to us and tell us—just once in a while—that we’re doing a good job. That we’re appreciated. That they look up to us and need us.

Our wives, on the other hand, slide back and forth. Like many women these days, they are getting mixed messages and giving mixed signals. They don’t seem to know what they want. A career or a houseful of babies? A new washer/dryer or a week in Aruba? A bigger house or just bigger closets? Do they want a husband who is sensitive and tender or a tattooed bad boy riding a Harley? While they’re daydreaming about what they want, we’re just two feet away and hoping they’ll ask us for it. We want to fill their every desire. We want to be their shining knight and perfect man. If only they’d slide next to us and tell us what they want.

How did we get here? Two feet and two miles apart.

Think back to not too long ago. Remember that girl you married? The girl who caught your eye. The girl you couldn’t keep your hands off of. The girl who taught you to love in brand-new ways. Romantic love. Committed love. Crazy love. Eternal love. Silly love. You may be thinking, Where did that girl go?

Gentlemen, she’s right there. That girl is inches away. She’s looking down the same road and going the same direction. She’s committed to sharing your life and sharing your bed. By the way, she’s asking the same question. Where did that boy go?

Men of courage, follow your impulse. Pull the car over. Look into her eyes, maybe for the first time in a long time. Tell her she means everything to you. Be the boy. Be the girl. Expect no less than to memorize each other’s hopes and dreams.

Steam up those car windows. With conversation, of course.

Takeaway

You did not marry to live separate lives.

“Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away.”

Song of Songs 8:6-7

Wordless Wednesday Brian and Horse

If you are participating in Wordless Wednesdays, click on the Mister Linky image, enter your name and URL in the form, and press Enter.

A Welcome Home and a Visit to Tatiana

My husband came home last night from a long stay in Orlando, Florida because of a family emergency (I will not be going into that...so, don't ask). Anyway, I was glad he was home. I missed him so much while he was away!! He had me order Red Lobster and he picked it up on his way home from the airport. It was delicious! We settled in for the night and watched episodes of Lost and Heroes that we had missed.

Today he treated all of us (minus one, Tatiana) to a breakfast at the Pancake House. Double yum!! Then he drove us to Portland to see Tatiana. She has been staying at the Providence Center for Medically Fragile Children since April 6, 2009. I couldn't believe it when I walked in to see her. She had gotten a very cute haircut since the last time I saw her and lost two of her bottom baby teeth. I gave her lots of loves, kisses, and hugs and after about two hours visiting we had to leave. I was sad to go without her again. I will be so glad when she is stable enough to come back home. I miss her terribly and I have missed a month roughly of her growing up. She has also missed stuff at home: Easter 2009, Teela's first Birthday, etc. I wish I could be there with her like I was almost every hospital stay she had, but then I would be missing the same stuff with my other kids and this is supposed to be for my respite. It breaks my heart that I had to leave her, but I know she is in good hands! Hopefully she can come home soon.

My Manga Family

Here is from left to right...My husband: Brian a.k.a. Afalina, My oldest son (who is currently 8): Delbin a.k.a. squeaker, Me a.k.a. Crystal or Finamoon, My oldest daughter (who is currently 5): Tatiana a.k.a. Tati or Boo, My youngest daughter (who is currently 11 months): Teela a.k.a. Tee or Na, My youngest son (who is currently 6): Jaedan a.k.a. Bug.

I had fun making this of my family. I had to improvise a little bit because they didn't have any really young kids to work with in the program I was using called Face Your Manga. I used the collage feature on Picasa to do this picture.